Im tired...solution? sleep.
but sleeping passes time until tomorrow
tomorrow I have to do things I dont want to.....solution? dont sleep, and pass time.
but not sleeping makes you more tired....solution? find a way to sleep and have it not pass time....
still working on that.
Insanity is like living in a fictional world, but no one else knows it. They don't understand. Things are they way they are because you expect them to be that way. Sometimes its not ideal, and sometimes it doesnt make sense...to everyone else. But no, it makes sense to you. Everything makes sense to you, no one else understands why.
Live in my world.
Time shouldnt pass when your having fun. Fun should last longer. Its the boring things that seem to take forever. Why should the undesirable things take longer? That doesnt make sense. Exciting things should be the things that last. Solution? Dont be bored. Make sense? To me yes.
1 problem: I find essential things boring, or to a lesser extent, troublesome. Homework? boring. Cooking? therapeutic....but time consuming. Going to work? boring. Leaving the apartment? troublesome. Solution? Become a hermit who does nothing but play video games and has pizza and rootbeer constantly delivered to his door.
Too bad thats kind of frowned upon in this society.
To do:
Find a job that I actually enjoy doing.
Find a way to make school enjoyable.
Find ways to spread my time out so I can cook.
in order to do these things, I must minimize time wasting.
But if I'm being productive, then time goes by too quickly....meaning eventually I'll have to sleep....and then wake up....and then do stuff I wont want to do.
New proposal, find a way to slow down time.
suggestions appreciated.
warning: outlandish and ridiculous conspiracy theories will be taken literally and not sarcastically.....cuz they always sound funner than reality.
and right now, reality is me being awake.....and being awake is boring....thus, time seems to drag on...
Monday, April 9, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Essence
Favorites in Essence
Video Game
Mario Series: A plumber must save the princess, who always seems to get kidnapped by Bowser, and you never actually understand why.
The Legend of Zelda Series: The bloodline of the Goddess and the Spirit of the Hero will always have to reseal the Embodiment of Demise's hatred, only for another generation to do so when it breaks out again.
Final Fantasy 6: A resistance group tries to prevent world domination. A sadistic clown commits mutiny, declares he will destroy the world, and then does. Resistance group reforms to take him down.
Final Fantasy 7: 2 failed experiments, 2 last survivors of an ancient race, 2 angry guys gypped by the government, and a spy and ninja with backstabbing motives attempt to stop the broken minded, perfected war experiment with parental issues from blowing up the planet.
Final Fantasy 8: An apathetic mercenary with an unhealthy self-reliance issue, who is trained to destroy the time traveling sorceress, accidentally falls in love with a girl who becomes possessed by that same sorceress.
Final Fantasy 9: Dragonball Z with swords.
Fire Emblem Series: There is a fire emblem, which is important somehow to the story, nobility caught in a war, an evil sorcerer bent on world domination, and somehow, someway, dragons.
Tales of Symphonia: Two sister worlds compete for the same life supply by sacrificing a chosen spirit. Individuals from both worlds attempt to go against the grain and break the cycle by destroying the offended, self appointed angel who created the system because of his distaste for war and the murder of his sister.
Movies to come later...
Video Game
Mario Series: A plumber must save the princess, who always seems to get kidnapped by Bowser, and you never actually understand why.
The Legend of Zelda Series: The bloodline of the Goddess and the Spirit of the Hero will always have to reseal the Embodiment of Demise's hatred, only for another generation to do so when it breaks out again.
Final Fantasy 6: A resistance group tries to prevent world domination. A sadistic clown commits mutiny, declares he will destroy the world, and then does. Resistance group reforms to take him down.
Final Fantasy 7: 2 failed experiments, 2 last survivors of an ancient race, 2 angry guys gypped by the government, and a spy and ninja with backstabbing motives attempt to stop the broken minded, perfected war experiment with parental issues from blowing up the planet.
Final Fantasy 8: An apathetic mercenary with an unhealthy self-reliance issue, who is trained to destroy the time traveling sorceress, accidentally falls in love with a girl who becomes possessed by that same sorceress.
Final Fantasy 9: Dragonball Z with swords.
Fire Emblem Series: There is a fire emblem, which is important somehow to the story, nobility caught in a war, an evil sorcerer bent on world domination, and somehow, someway, dragons.
Tales of Symphonia: Two sister worlds compete for the same life supply by sacrificing a chosen spirit. Individuals from both worlds attempt to go against the grain and break the cycle by destroying the offended, self appointed angel who created the system because of his distaste for war and the murder of his sister.
Movies to come later...
Differentiating...
You know those stories that you hear where some guy gets drunk and starts talking about crazy stuff, some of which is nonsense, but some is quite profound? Well, the same thing happens to me, but with trail mix instead of alcohol.
Caution: The following post may contain tangential comments that make perfect sense in my head, but may not be completely coherent to others.
Where is the line between black and white?
Who is right, what are they right about, and when are they right?
How does when know that they have "done their best" or "reached their potential"?
To me, one's potential isn't something you can reach. Its like a limit in a mathematics problem, ever getting closer and closer to the value, but never touching it. It is for that reason that I have a problem with "being my best". I don't think it can be done.
Daunting? Yes. Impossible? Arguably maybe.
Does that mean we shouldn't try?
The obvious but hard to realize answer is no.
On a side note, I hate obvious answers. Everyone knows the answers, but rarely do we actually internalize their significance.
More side note. I don't politics, but the upcoming election has caught my attention. Politics is a losing battle. No one can ever be completely satisfied. No one has the same needs, ideals, or opinions. There isn't a perfect candidate, nor a perfect plan on how to run this country because too many people simply are not satisfied or are unyielding to ideals that aren't theirs, or aren't perfect for them. If the world was absolutely perfect, I guarantee someone would find something to complain about. My point? I have none, I'm just rambling here. Who is right? What are they right about? When are they right? Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight, though dark, is a good example of those points.
Back to my main point, if I had one...
Work as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on the Lord.
Forgive my misquoting, as I still do not remember who it was that first said that, but whoever it is I credit him.
I still struggle with the first part of that statement. Mainly because I view it as a conditional "If - then" statement. If I do absolutely everything that I can, then I can pray as if everything depended on God, and THEN I'll get help.....
Flawed logic? Absolutely.
Obvious flawed logic? Certainly.
Does my opinion of obvious statements still apply to this? In my head, of course it does. To those around me, of course not.
Point? My life needs a reboot...If, at the very least, I should reverse my conditional statement.
First: Pray as if everything depended on the Lord.
Second: Then do as much as I can, for however long I can, in whatever realm I can, for whatever definition applies.
Result: Stability. Peace. Happiness. The joys of the Gospel of Christ, and not the futile works of man.
Caution: The following post may contain tangential comments that make perfect sense in my head, but may not be completely coherent to others.
Where is the line between black and white?
Who is right, what are they right about, and when are they right?
How does when know that they have "done their best" or "reached their potential"?
To me, one's potential isn't something you can reach. Its like a limit in a mathematics problem, ever getting closer and closer to the value, but never touching it. It is for that reason that I have a problem with "being my best". I don't think it can be done.
Daunting? Yes. Impossible? Arguably maybe.
Does that mean we shouldn't try?
The obvious but hard to realize answer is no.
On a side note, I hate obvious answers. Everyone knows the answers, but rarely do we actually internalize their significance.
More side note. I don't politics, but the upcoming election has caught my attention. Politics is a losing battle. No one can ever be completely satisfied. No one has the same needs, ideals, or opinions. There isn't a perfect candidate, nor a perfect plan on how to run this country because too many people simply are not satisfied or are unyielding to ideals that aren't theirs, or aren't perfect for them. If the world was absolutely perfect, I guarantee someone would find something to complain about. My point? I have none, I'm just rambling here. Who is right? What are they right about? When are they right? Christopher Nolan's The Dark Knight, though dark, is a good example of those points.
Back to my main point, if I had one...
Work as if everything depended on you, pray as if everything depended on the Lord.
Forgive my misquoting, as I still do not remember who it was that first said that, but whoever it is I credit him.
I still struggle with the first part of that statement. Mainly because I view it as a conditional "If - then" statement. If I do absolutely everything that I can, then I can pray as if everything depended on God, and THEN I'll get help.....
Flawed logic? Absolutely.
Obvious flawed logic? Certainly.
Does my opinion of obvious statements still apply to this? In my head, of course it does. To those around me, of course not.
Point? My life needs a reboot...If, at the very least, I should reverse my conditional statement.
First: Pray as if everything depended on the Lord.
Second: Then do as much as I can, for however long I can, in whatever realm I can, for whatever definition applies.
Result: Stability. Peace. Happiness. The joys of the Gospel of Christ, and not the futile works of man.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Absolutes.
Current Favorites. Subject to change..tomorrow. Entries are in no particular order.
Movies:
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Sherlock Holmes
Aladdin
Hook
Video Games:
Final Fantasy 7
Fire Emblem 7
Golden Sun/Golden Sun: The Lost Age (I consider the 2 as one game)
Tales of Symphonia
Pokemon Silver Version
Songs (this will probably change in the next few hours):\
Like the Rain - Clint Black
Everything I Do - Bryan Adams
Joker and the Thief - Wolfmother
Separate Ways - Journey
Dance with the Devil - Breaking Benjamin
Food:
Pulled Pork Sandwiches
Pizza
Sushi
Trail Mix
Strawberries
Books:
Hah...that's a good one
Sports:
Volleyball
Football
Golf
Basketball
Hockey
If I were to do this list next week, about half of the entries would change. Note, Pizza will forever remain on the favorite food list.
Movies:
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Sherlock Holmes
Aladdin
Hook
Video Games:
Final Fantasy 7
Fire Emblem 7
Golden Sun/Golden Sun: The Lost Age (I consider the 2 as one game)
Tales of Symphonia
Pokemon Silver Version
Songs (this will probably change in the next few hours):\
Like the Rain - Clint Black
Everything I Do - Bryan Adams
Joker and the Thief - Wolfmother
Separate Ways - Journey
Dance with the Devil - Breaking Benjamin
Food:
Pulled Pork Sandwiches
Pizza
Sushi
Trail Mix
Strawberries
Books:
Hah...that's a good one
Sports:
Volleyball
Football
Golf
Basketball
Hockey
If I were to do this list next week, about half of the entries would change. Note, Pizza will forever remain on the favorite food list.
Late Night Ramblings
I often forget I have one of these until I see a friend post something on theirs...
Regardless, its late at night/early in the morning, so I am banking on the fact that my emotional restrictions are loosened due to fatigue and/or hunger.
Habits are hard to form, because they typically have to dissolve the already existing habit of not having a habit. Currently, I wish to develop a habit of exercising more and being more productive with my down time. However, both of these are thwarted by the already existing habit of mine of watching random youtube videos and playing video games when I am bored. If there is one thing harder than making a habit of doing something, its breaking a habit of doing nothing.
This week I have absolutely nothing to do. By far, this is the most open week I have had in years. Years. My roommates are home for the holidays, the love of my life is with her family, and the vast majority of my local friends have also left. Sad and alone? Not at all. Bored out of my mind? Very yes. I have found that if I have too much free time, I begin to have thoughts that rival the insanity of the recent movie depiction of Sherlock Holmes.
I created a list of productive things I could be doing this week in order to maintain sanity. I am now 3 days into the week, and the list has been untouched. Instead, I have occupied my time by watching the same 22 second clip helicopter scene from the new A-team movie about 100 times, checking every half hour on my school's website to see if my grades are posted, watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory, dragging my mattress from upstairs down to the living room thus slowly converting my living room into my bedroom for the next 3 days, and blogging. I have also begun to play one of my favorite video games over again. For about the 38th time in my life. Only this time, I am writing down every possible phrase in the game, thus creating a game-script that I can modify into a best-selling novel....
Things I have realized in the past week or so:
-I remember why I disliked Final Fantasy 8 so much
-A mattress that is not fully supported from below WILL INDEED slant towards the weaker support, thus causing me to slide towards that side while I am asleep.
-I can eat trail mix at any time of the day, regardless of hunger or lack thereof.
-Knowing someone's name does NOT make it easier to set them on fire with your mind.
-Quoting funny webcomic phrases are only funny to those who have read them. Disregard my previous point if you thought I was remotely serious.
-Making a headband out of bubble-wrap would make it fun to headbutt people.
-Bubblewrap without a hyphen is not a recognizable word in the English language, according to the little red squiggle under it.
-Wedding announcements, as great as they are, are still a reminder of what must eventually happen.
-They can also give nasty paper cuts.
-Papercuts is also not a word. Thank you red squiggle.
Anyways....
Regardless, its late at night/early in the morning, so I am banking on the fact that my emotional restrictions are loosened due to fatigue and/or hunger.
Habits are hard to form, because they typically have to dissolve the already existing habit of not having a habit. Currently, I wish to develop a habit of exercising more and being more productive with my down time. However, both of these are thwarted by the already existing habit of mine of watching random youtube videos and playing video games when I am bored. If there is one thing harder than making a habit of doing something, its breaking a habit of doing nothing.
This week I have absolutely nothing to do. By far, this is the most open week I have had in years. Years. My roommates are home for the holidays, the love of my life is with her family, and the vast majority of my local friends have also left. Sad and alone? Not at all. Bored out of my mind? Very yes. I have found that if I have too much free time, I begin to have thoughts that rival the insanity of the recent movie depiction of Sherlock Holmes.
I created a list of productive things I could be doing this week in order to maintain sanity. I am now 3 days into the week, and the list has been untouched. Instead, I have occupied my time by watching the same 22 second clip helicopter scene from the new A-team movie about 100 times, checking every half hour on my school's website to see if my grades are posted, watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory, dragging my mattress from upstairs down to the living room thus slowly converting my living room into my bedroom for the next 3 days, and blogging. I have also begun to play one of my favorite video games over again. For about the 38th time in my life. Only this time, I am writing down every possible phrase in the game, thus creating a game-script that I can modify into a best-selling novel....
Things I have realized in the past week or so:
-I remember why I disliked Final Fantasy 8 so much
-A mattress that is not fully supported from below WILL INDEED slant towards the weaker support, thus causing me to slide towards that side while I am asleep.
-I can eat trail mix at any time of the day, regardless of hunger or lack thereof.
-Knowing someone's name does NOT make it easier to set them on fire with your mind.
-Quoting funny webcomic phrases are only funny to those who have read them. Disregard my previous point if you thought I was remotely serious.
-Making a headband out of bubble-wrap would make it fun to headbutt people.
-Bubblewrap without a hyphen is not a recognizable word in the English language, according to the little red squiggle under it.
-Wedding announcements, as great as they are, are still a reminder of what must eventually happen.
-They can also give nasty paper cuts.
-Papercuts is also not a word. Thank you red squiggle.
Anyways....
Thursday, November 17, 2011
And so it begins...
I've told myself for the past several weeks that I should probably get one of these blog thingers....Problem being, what would it be about, how frequently would I update it, who would read it, how fancy should I make it, and am I making this in order to feel a sense of belonging to the rest of the Xanga-spinoff group or is it a legit desire of mine.
I then decided to stop complicated my crowded-with-nothing-meaningful mind and make one.
The title is a reflection of my though process, and thus, of me.
Take your life's circumstances and create a perceived reality based upon your analysis of the world around you.....
I then decided to stop complicated my crowded-with-nothing-meaningful mind and make one.
The title is a reflection of my though process, and thus, of me.
Take your life's circumstances and create a perceived reality based upon your analysis of the world around you.....
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